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Wishing upon a little Heart

As I was growing up I was one girl of five, that was given life. I was given life amongst four brothers. I am the second oldest and at one stage at first it was me and two boys, known as” three is a crowd.” Five years later we were four, three boys and I. I had one new brother added on to the family and at this point I started wishing upon a little heart and praying for a sister. One year passed and there was another boy addition he was born by c section as he had complications as he was tangled and suffocated by the umbilical cord and sadly he did not make it through. This was a very sad time for me, mum, dad and my brothers.

At this stage I prayed that if my mum did get pregnant again that she would have a sister, I still did not give up wishing for this as I was longing to share things and have a companion with me as I was in a home of boys. Yes we all did get along and we were close but still I wanted to have that sister.

Another year passed and again my mum had a boy, which now made us four boys and I, as it wasn’t a surprise and I was happy but at the same time was a little disappointed that I still didn’t get my sister that I was wishing for from now seven years ago. I still didn’t stop wishing and praying for my little sister to come to life.

Ten years had passed and now I was 21. I still had not given up on my wish to have a sister and it was during this time in 1999 when my mum gathered us all around and announced that she was pregnant.

This time round was when I really got down on my hands and knees and prayed that I would finally get my little sister that I had been praying for ever since I was a younger girl back to when I only had three brothers and when I was old enough to understand that I needed a sister to even out the boys in the house. I was so excited and happy that this time I might get my wish.

As soon as my mum was able to find out what she was having I was told that yes I am having my sister and at this point I was ecstatic, I felt like I had won the lottery, I was so so happy and excited with happy tears running down my cheeks and I was already planning out my wardrobe of what I was going to hand down to her. I was looking forward to girl nights out, shopping for shoes and clothes and all the other girly things that sisters do together and the age difference did not bother me as long as I had that sister bond.

After every doctors visit my mum went to I had to ask her about the growth progress of my sister and mum would tell me everything is going well. This also brought me and my mum closer and I was more aware of what being pregnant entails.  At this point my unborn sister was growing and I was getting excited more and more as time got closer to the due date. Then at 36 weeks, 2 weeks before the due date to be exact my mum went to the doctors for a normal routine check and as they were checking for my unborn sisters heart beat the doctors could not find it. The doctors could not find the heart beat of my unborn baby sister.  They then tried to see if they could get it by the ultra sound but there was no indication of the heart beating. At this stage the doctors had no choice but to book my mum in emergency and to be induced to give birth right then and there.

One of my mums close friends had come to the family home and she had told my brothers and I of the sad news. At this point I was devastated and it was like a movie gone wrong, I could not believe what she was saying and I was taken to the hospital to my mum and it was true. My mum had already been induced and my little baby sister had been born without life. I met her for just a few seconds before I had to say goodbye forever to her. At the time when I did look at her she was such a beautiful baby girl, so precious, peaceful, pure and innocent of just wanting to live life. I was very saddened about this and the tears could not stop rolling down my face. As I had lost my sister that I was wishing for so long, finally got her and then she was lost forever and this is when I knew I will be the only girl amongst four brothers forever. Not that it was a bad thing but 100% no chance of having a sister and this is when I stopped wishing for it. In total my mum had 7 pregnancies and sadly two did not survive.

When I found out about the Heart Foundation and the cycle event that they had been organizing I could not, let it pass. Firstly because to me having a heart is important to life. The heart is the most important organ in the body as it gives life to the body and to us to live a life. If you have a heart and a disability/disease you still have life. Its what /how you choose to live it with your condition, but without a heart you have nothing. No other organ will function without a heart .

Physical activity is my passion and when I found out that the Heart Foundation was having a charity event to cycle I could not give it a miss.  I remembered my unborn baby sister and I did this to help the foundation as I support them in their research to help others  live. That’s the ” WHY ” to me doing the 60km ride and I loved every minute of it!

Rest in peace my sweet baby sister!